(no subject)

so earlier in another channel i was a little uncomfortable and i walked away and calmed down and came back and basically exercised self care and good practice. which is new! very new! if you had the misfortune of knowing me in february, i was an utter wreck with no ability to take care of myself.

and the reason im good at this, at taking care of myself (and by good i mean - decently competent, winning no awards yet) is because an entire server full of adults held my hand through it for over 6 months. that's a huge amount of labour and time and energy to sink into one person, and I'm very lucky I got that, because most people don't. most people my age have the same amount of mental illness and queerness and problems and nobody actually, you know, teaching them it's possible to set a boundary. or how to do that. or why it helps

having the regulation it takes to walk away from something that you're invested in but makes you uncomfortable is tremendously difficult - i had to be taught that several times. i was entrenchedly pro kink out of self interest, so that helped not kick me down the rabbit hole but basically? there's a lot of alienation and whole lot of lack of spaces where adults and kids can interact often enough that exposure therapy if nothing else teaches teens that adults aren't clowns handing out candy

and of course a 60:1 adult to child ratio isn't feasible or safe for teens other than me (I'm a lot more comfy around adults cause of bullying issues) but spaces for safe and curated interaction which allow teens to engage with complex topics without being dismissed or invalidated or overwhelmed is very very necessary and if you want to run a space like that, please do, I will join.

courtney demone

Today I learnt about Courtney Demone, and I read these excerpts from an article she wrote about her experiences as a trans woman. One part of it that stuck out to me - bearing in mind that I wasn't able to find the whole article for context - was the bit where she says: "It's my femininity, not my being transgender, that brought about much of this privilege loss, and it's misogyny that robs women of these privileges." 
Except that trans women are killed for being trans women. For being insufficiently feminine or feminine in the wrong ways. And butch women face enormous risk of violence for being women who do not present as feminine. 
IDK, it doesn't feel right to me to erase the threats of violence that GNC women face just to claim that misogyny is the sole cause of violence against women. It ignores the reality - that violent men perpetuate violence callously and often, because they are full of hatred and they can. Because this woman tricked them and that one isn't pretty enough and this one is pretty but didn't like it when they 'complimented' her.
Misogyny is one reason for violence. It's not the only one. This article (or at least the part I read) seems have missed that.