nerdflighter | post spam?

IM BACK

I was gone for a long-ish time from DW because it generally takes up more mindspace to use than, say, tumblr or discord and I was in Exam Hell (technically still am but it's in a downswing at the moment)

But I HAVE been doing things, and I don't have the energy to do MORE things just for dreamwidth but I can link to what I have been doing.

— I began a new blog,

arosexuality, to explore my own relationship to aromanticism and allosexuality. half-resource, half personal journal, as so many blogs are.

— Over on radiqueer, meanwhile, I began talking about futch as the nonbinary equivalent to butch/femme dynamics, was accused of colonizing lesbian history, and generally I've been having a heck of a time over it.

— I ficced! I wrote almost 5k of trans guy Andrew Minyard topping his hapless cis boyfriend and I am so proud of this fic.

— I wrote a long post about interacting with minors

— I wrote about my problems with emotional labor theory but I'm not happy with what I came up with and I want to talk about it but I don't know how. I'm thinking about this hard in the context of having picked up ~yet another~ suicidal friend (I have a knack, this is the third one in 4 years) and how exhausting everything has been lately partly due to that and partly because I lost a discussion space I valued recently. Saying "I lost it" feels like overstating because it still exists, and it's still usable, but part of what made it so good was having [mod] over there, and while there are other mods they're not people of color and neither are they very good at not talking over people. I get condescended to a lot more than I used to, and I get treated like I don't really know what I'm talking about, and it's extremely frustrating to take after a year of being taken seriously and heard without any suggestion that I didn't deserve that or was being extended a courtesy other people don't have. I'm very bitter about it; there's about four topics I want to talk about but don't want to bring up over there because I don't trust the moderation to be remotely on my side, and advocating for myself is still something I'm working on. And I feel like I can't bring up my problems without being hysterical or shrill or delusional and I don't want that. Having my perception of reality questioned is liable to fuck me up on a good day, how am I ever going to deal with this?. Anyway. I don't even want to DM someone to talk about this because I feel bad about demanding emotional labor from people (I broke down on a friend over discord because I felt so helpless about reaching out to any of my other friends) and it's just. Ugh. Messy.