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nerdflightertoday in posts that fucking hurt my brain;
It is not only uncomfortable but legitimately heartbreaking to me when the ideal “feminist” sexualization of men is a soft, gentle, maybe a lil dumb, kind man who is good with animals and would die protecting you and could not imagine hurting you, whereas the sexualized ideal for butches tends to be a more classically dominant, aggressive, almost-or-legitimately BDSM role where they insult you, are rough with you, “get what they want” from you, etc. Like this actually fucking hurts so much and it’s painful that this is framed as progressive simply by nature of being gay. Like, it’s the same unhealthy sexual dynamic but since they’re a butch it’s fine? The same heteropatriarchal sexual ideals but just replace man with butch and it’s all great fun? Not to mention it’s *always* the butch in the ‘dominant’ and sexually aggressive role, like please make it more obvious you just see us as the kinky version of a straight man.
I see a lot of the ‘step on me’ bullshit stemming from this idea that even presenting yourself as butch is an invitation for sexual remarks, with the assumption that not only are you happy to receive such remarks, but that you of course participate in sexual activity through violent means. This happens to women of color, especially black women, even if they are not butch/stud because they are masculinized as a matter of course. This is sexual harassment, no less because it is assumed the person you are harassing is the dominant one.
the post in question
ha. okay. lets take this from the top;
1. there's nothing wrong with straight women wanting soft men, because hello! straight women don't exactly have stellar history with violence at the hands of men. let straight women want dumb boys. straight women generally aren't going to be attracted to butches unless there's some mistaken identity shit going on. we clear? good
2. many lesbians want roughness and that's not bad. lesbians wanting to reclaim their sexuality via kink and dominance is not bad, and acting like it is is pretty fucking weird actually imho. why are we shaming women for their sexual fantasies didn't we leave this behind. what is this, the dark ages?
3. this entire post is directed specifically at bi and pan women. straight women don't want to date/fuck butches and lesbians don't want to date/fuck men. bi and pan women do. and because not only do bi/pan women have trauma surrounding men, but like. if they want to have sexual fantasies about men that involve men being soft and fantasies about butches where the butches are aggressive that is no else's fucking business but theirs.
4. the post frames dominance as something ugly and bad and wrong right from the start and I have to say I really don't fucking like that.
5. if you want to complain about people sexually harassing butches complain about THAT, not a million tangential things that detract from your og point
It is not only uncomfortable but legitimately heartbreaking to me when the ideal “feminist” sexualization of men is a soft, gentle, maybe a lil dumb, kind man who is good with animals and would die protecting you and could not imagine hurting you, whereas the sexualized ideal for butches tends to be a more classically dominant, aggressive, almost-or-legitimately BDSM role where they insult you, are rough with you, “get what they want” from you, etc. Like this actually fucking hurts so much and it’s painful that this is framed as progressive simply by nature of being gay. Like, it’s the same unhealthy sexual dynamic but since they’re a butch it’s fine? The same heteropatriarchal sexual ideals but just replace man with butch and it’s all great fun? Not to mention it’s *always* the butch in the ‘dominant’ and sexually aggressive role, like please make it more obvious you just see us as the kinky version of a straight man.
I see a lot of the ‘step on me’ bullshit stemming from this idea that even presenting yourself as butch is an invitation for sexual remarks, with the assumption that not only are you happy to receive such remarks, but that you of course participate in sexual activity through violent means. This happens to women of color, especially black women, even if they are not butch/stud because they are masculinized as a matter of course. This is sexual harassment, no less because it is assumed the person you are harassing is the dominant one.
the post in question
ha. okay. lets take this from the top;
1. there's nothing wrong with straight women wanting soft men, because hello! straight women don't exactly have stellar history with violence at the hands of men. let straight women want dumb boys. straight women generally aren't going to be attracted to butches unless there's some mistaken identity shit going on. we clear? good
2. many lesbians want roughness and that's not bad. lesbians wanting to reclaim their sexuality via kink and dominance is not bad, and acting like it is is pretty fucking weird actually imho. why are we shaming women for their sexual fantasies didn't we leave this behind. what is this, the dark ages?
3. this entire post is directed specifically at bi and pan women. straight women don't want to date/fuck butches and lesbians don't want to date/fuck men. bi and pan women do. and because not only do bi/pan women have trauma surrounding men, but like. if they want to have sexual fantasies about men that involve men being soft and fantasies about butches where the butches are aggressive that is no else's fucking business but theirs.
4. the post frames dominance as something ugly and bad and wrong right from the start and I have to say I really don't fucking like that.
5. if you want to complain about people sexually harassing butches complain about THAT, not a million tangential things that detract from your og point
no subject
Date: 2019-03-20 03:56 pm (UTC)Not only that, but I would argue that it frames submission as something regressive and self-dehumanizing. "Step on me" is a pretty explicit reference to crush kink and masochism.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-20 04:51 pm (UTC)