![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nerdflighter1. I've been trying to be consistent about my dreamwidth use but ever since my exams stopped I've focused a lot more on writing and that makes thinking in dreamwidth posts hard. nevertheless, I am trying my best.
2. I met a friend today who I hadn't spoken to in 3 months and hadn't had a functional relationship with for over a year. in tenth grade I had...4 friends in my class, and out of those she's the first I've spoken to in several months. I parted with her and another on bad terms and lost an entire social circle in the process, but. for the past few months I've been thinking about the relationship I had with the friend I met today and tentatively labeled it 'emotionally abusive' despite not being sure that was what it was. But I spent a whole day in her company and I'm reminded of why we were friends, of why the bad parts seemed worth staying through at time, why I cared about her and ~maybe~ crushed on her. and I realized that if it was bad for me, it was probably bad for her too, and I also realized that I was willing to let that go. it's highly unlikely I'll meet her again soon - she studies in a boarding school in another city - but it was nice to talk to her and it was nice to talk to real people and it was nice to mend a relationship I had long thought over.
3. I've been writing a lot more lately. I have 3 projects currently underway, and a few rl friends have been begging me to write on wattpad ~for the lulz~ and I might just do it, as a low stress summer project. here are my projects, in order of how actively I am working on them
a. Dirk/Dave: omegaverse, approximately going to be about 7k in two cuts; one for me and one for the friend I'm writing it for (my cut has more angst; the only reason there's two is because it's for their birthday). I love my premise: Dave is an alpha, and Dirk is an omega who sacrificed a lot for his brother and now gets to be taken care of too. perhaps a bit basic, but there's so much room to work with. *happy stimming*
b. Andrew/Neil: urban fantasy AU. I'm pretty excited to be working on this one, and my premise is decent, and all my characters are still talking to each other :D
c. Andrew/Neil: Neil isn't as cis as previously thought. Sequel to my trans Andrew fic. the one I am least excited about and most eager to be rid of. on the back burner for now.
My idea for my original Wattpad story is something something nonbinary character with superpowers, first person pov for additional genderfuck capacity. I'm toying with the proportions of incest I want to put in it, and I want to see how much I can subtext I can shove in before it starts to be grating. The great thing about Wattpad is that the tagging system is lax as fuck, so I don't really have to tag for incest if I don't want to.
4. I have been watching bungou stray dogs! it's so much fun, I love anime. I love Dazai especially, in that desperate way where I want to be him, and I'm back into wondering if I can/should kin him. I like the concept of kin, especially as someone with little stability to my personality I can't help but feel like kinning is a shortcut to a full personality and as such would be a good point to rest at when I feel drained or too-little. Dazai is my ideal gender presentation too, which helps. a lot. it also makes me severely dysphoric, but in the weird way where I'm fine with it.
5. three fic recs over 100k
a. "Love" by dgalareb. the fic that made me watch bsd
b. The Year King and the Alchemist by callmearcturus. Brilliantly paced and incredibly gentle.
c. Quid Pro Quo by rillrill. hhhhhhhh. read it
+ 1
Living with suicidal feelings
2. I met a friend today who I hadn't spoken to in 3 months and hadn't had a functional relationship with for over a year. in tenth grade I had...4 friends in my class, and out of those she's the first I've spoken to in several months. I parted with her and another on bad terms and lost an entire social circle in the process, but. for the past few months I've been thinking about the relationship I had with the friend I met today and tentatively labeled it 'emotionally abusive' despite not being sure that was what it was. But I spent a whole day in her company and I'm reminded of why we were friends, of why the bad parts seemed worth staying through at time, why I cared about her and ~maybe~ crushed on her. and I realized that if it was bad for me, it was probably bad for her too, and I also realized that I was willing to let that go. it's highly unlikely I'll meet her again soon - she studies in a boarding school in another city - but it was nice to talk to her and it was nice to talk to real people and it was nice to mend a relationship I had long thought over.
3. I've been writing a lot more lately. I have 3 projects currently underway, and a few rl friends have been begging me to write on wattpad ~for the lulz~ and I might just do it, as a low stress summer project. here are my projects, in order of how actively I am working on them
a. Dirk/Dave: omegaverse, approximately going to be about 7k in two cuts; one for me and one for the friend I'm writing it for (my cut has more angst; the only reason there's two is because it's for their birthday). I love my premise: Dave is an alpha, and Dirk is an omega who sacrificed a lot for his brother and now gets to be taken care of too. perhaps a bit basic, but there's so much room to work with. *happy stimming*
b. Andrew/Neil: urban fantasy AU. I'm pretty excited to be working on this one, and my premise is decent, and all my characters are still talking to each other :D
c. Andrew/Neil: Neil isn't as cis as previously thought. Sequel to my trans Andrew fic. the one I am least excited about and most eager to be rid of. on the back burner for now.
My idea for my original Wattpad story is something something nonbinary character with superpowers, first person pov for additional genderfuck capacity. I'm toying with the proportions of incest I want to put in it, and I want to see how much I can subtext I can shove in before it starts to be grating. The great thing about Wattpad is that the tagging system is lax as fuck, so I don't really have to tag for incest if I don't want to.
4. I have been watching bungou stray dogs! it's so much fun, I love anime. I love Dazai especially, in that desperate way where I want to be him, and I'm back into wondering if I can/should kin him. I like the concept of kin, especially as someone with little stability to my personality I can't help but feel like kinning is a shortcut to a full personality and as such would be a good point to rest at when I feel drained or too-little. Dazai is my ideal gender presentation too, which helps. a lot. it also makes me severely dysphoric, but in the weird way where I'm fine with it.
5. three fic recs over 100k
a. "Love" by dgalareb. the fic that made me watch bsd
b. The Year King and the Alchemist by callmearcturus. Brilliantly paced and incredibly gentle.
c. Quid Pro Quo by rillrill. hhhhhhhh. read it
+ 1
Living with suicidal feelings
no subject
Date: 2019-03-30 07:41 pm (UTC)Good to know.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 08:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 12:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 08:34 am (UTC)