nerdflighter | (no subject)

this morning on my discourse blog I woke up to a series of asks detailing a tale of trauma and rather incredible recovery via darkfic and a very good friend, and it touched me so much I wanted to archive it.
under the cut: trigger warnings for discussion of rape, incest, abuse, trauma, mental breakdowns, self harm, and coping via darkfic

sorry, a little rant there. so, I made a new friend at the beginning of this year. we share one fandom and a lot of kinks, so we rp'ed and wrote together a lot. and oh boy, that was a dark stuff. abuse, rape, incest, you name it and we probably did it. now, there was a character my friend liked a lot, and he was abused and he has abused others a lot, but we loved him dearly, so as a big softy I wrote happy ends for him. and my friend shattered them every single time. but I'm stubborn! (1/?)

so one day I was feeling a little bit agressive about our spethial boy and his happines (I needed that fluff okay?) so I wrote a big rant about how he was confused and broken but good deep down and he grow so much since we started with him and he deserve his happy end and yadda yadda. and you know what? my friend completly broke down. like, sobbing and howling and biting her hands, that kind of stuff. luckyly, it wasn't my first whitnessed breackdown, so I calmed her a little. and later? (2/?)

she told me about awful relationships she escaped literally days before we met. how she hated herself, cause she run away and didn't helped other girl in this mess. how she was afraid and how her trauma keep her awake at night. how she have hurt herself, and how she found that she can hurt that fictional boy instead. and than there was those plots, redemption and second chances for Bad Person Who Should Suffer And Didn't Deserved Anything Good and??? (3/?)

she couldn,t belive in it, but we spend most part of this year trying to heal him, and somehow with this we make her believe that maybe she have right hor healing and happines too (I'm sobbing while writing this, ugh). she also confessed that she didn't know words such abuse and selfharm (we're not from english speaking country and there's not a lot of such awareness). she just progect on characters what she got, a lot of unheatly stuff too. and learned this only when we discusses plots. (4/?)

[I never got #5]

so... I happy for her. and I'm so so so proud that I was abled to help, you know? like, sometimes ago she came to me with father/daughter incest and was like "ok, so we called him daddy and it's extremly triggering for me and I don't like it, so, take those two and make them fuck and make it sweet and horny and make me like it so I would think about IT and not HIM". like, ahh. such closeness. very trust. (we trying to get her to therapy too, of course, but it's just not possible right now) (6/7)

and like with all this good, healing stuff... can you just imagine, what could be if she found instead some antis. with those ideas and those kinks and those fucked up history and without any support. how someone would tell her that she's a "freak" and "digusting" and "abuser" (all things I got lately about some stuff btw). like, those dark au literally made her reduce selfharm to almost zero (she had one relaps, one, in this year). it makes me so mad??? srry for rant, also ur awesome!! (7/7.